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The night before TransMountain

Jordan Bateman gets into the spirit.

’Twas the night before Trans Mountain, and all through the House

Not a Minister was stirring, not even to grouse.

The docs were piled on the cabinet table with care

Pondering if approval soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

Next to their boxes of water paid by the feds.

And Sophie in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap

Had just settled our brains for a long summer’s nap

When out on the hustings there rose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, I flew like potash

Hadn’t moved that fast since I danced like an ass

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a blue pickup truck and five hungry Premiers.

With a busy little driver watching every penny,

I knew right away he must be Premier Jason Kenney

More rapid than bad polls the Tories they came,

And Jason whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, Pallister! Now, Blaine Higgs! Now Doug Ford and Scott Moe!

On, pipelines! On, energy! Come on, Mr. Trudeau!

Enough talk and hot air! Enough of your stall!

We need oil revenue – we need it all!"

He fixed me with a glare, and talked about good, honest work,

Telling me C-69 and stopping pipes were moves of a jerk,

Said if we killed oil and gas, he’d be sure everyone knows,

And that in the October election, I’d surely be hosed.

He finally sprang back to the truck, to his pals gave a whistle,

And away they all drove, leaving me the file to wrestle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Approve that pipeline, JT – or feel our bite!”

Jordan Bateman has a long history of public policy work, championing small business and fiscal responsibility. Currently the Vice President, Communications & Marketing for the Independent Contractors and Business Association (ICBA), Jordan also served six years as the B.C. Director of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, and was a two-term Langley Township Councillor.